Andrea (am_klutz) wrote,
Andrea
am_klutz

It takes two

I was sad for my friend when she shared her story. That her husband had an affair with another woman who was single with a young kid. They have two of their own but he told her that he didn't want them nor did he love her anymore. How hurtful is that? So she's filing for a divorce and trying to pull herself together and bring up the kids.

The sad reality is that this story is no longer uncommon. Over the last few weeks, I have had friends going through divorces. My friends are not always the victims. My friend said that it was unfair that women are always at the losing end and it's always the men that betrays. But I told her that was untrue as women do have affairs too and both men and women are capable of cheating on their spouse. I try my best to listen and it's hard to not be able to help. You can't judge as you only hear one side of the story and you can only hope that you words will offer some form of comfort.

I wonder what is it in our generation that marriages don't last? Is it because people don't regard marriage as a sacred and serious commitment? And that there is always an alternative way out - should things don't work out. In the generation of our grandparents, most marriages were arranged. Couples married without knowing the other, there was no dating involved whatsoever. Yet, the marriage lasted and you'll be surprised to know that love did grow and develop and exist between couples in arranged marriages. Why is it now that we have the freedom to choose who we want to fall in love with and get married to, can't remain faithful and true? What is fundamentally the issue?

I pray and hope that when I do get married, the vows to one another will remain true and honored and years down the road, we will still be holding hands, in love with each other, sharing our lives together. It won't be smooth sailing, it won't be easy. It will take a lot of effort on both sides to make things work. As I have written before, a relationship and marriage is always a work in progress. You can't sit and expect things to grow and develop if you don't make an effort. Many get caught up in the whole wedding affair forgetting that that is really just a very small part of it all. It is rather, the start of a beautiful journey together where it's no longer just about 'me' but about us. And it won't be all sugar and rainbows. People change as time goes by and it's the couples that change and grow together and work through the obstacles and issues together, that stay together.

There is a blog that I follow. I was inspired by her will power in weight loss. If you read more about her here, you will know why. She recently wrote about how she met her husband. The story is a bit astonishing or rather perhaps quite common in the States these days. But she met him online and they got engaged just 4 days after meeting! It's almost unheard of in our culture.

I don't quite believe in love at first sight. Truth be said, I didn't even like B.T when we first met. You see, he smacked my butt the first time he met me, totally sober, cheeky and trying to get my attention. But all that went through my mind was - Another obnoxious, arrogant stupid tall American! He was quite clever in his chase and I guess the rest is history. I am a bit skeptical when couples go through a whirlwind courtship and marry shortly after. But there are several that have proven that it's not really about how long you've been together that really matters.

Tricia, the writer of that blog, shared how after 4 years, her husband surprised her and if you read her story, it will touch your heart. It was very thoughtful what he had planned for her and it's quite obvious that they are both still very much in love. And in some way, amidst the depressing stories that I heard recently, this at least brought some hope.

I hope that for all those out there that unfortunately don't have a 'happy ending' for whatever reason and the marriage has failed, that they will be able to heal and be stronger from it. And as for me, I am all the more determined to put my best effort into my current relationship and nurture and grow together with him and not take things or him for granted.






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